On sexism

What sick impulse is it in me that makes these lost causes into lost souls in need of salvation? And salvation – is that really what I want to give them? After all, what would this salvation consist of? Would it mean bringing them back into this world? Back onto the path from which they’ve strayed? No. No, this isn’t it, even if I tell myself that’s what I would like to do. For do I not at the same time contradict myself by wishing to keep them away from the path, away from this world, which I come to see as too callous, cold and cruel for these souls? These souls I exalt as being too good, too pure not to be overwhelmed by this world and the monsters that inhabit it. As though most people were corrupt! Ha! As though it is they that have strayed from the path! As though it is they who are lost! But in my perverse, absurd and infinitely sexist little mind do I not convince myself (How?! How do I convince myself of such absurdities?!!) do I not convince myself that humans are not corrupt, contaminated, but are merely naturally malicious, and that it is the lost souls that are corrupt, those young girls (and it is always young, vulnerable girls) are not whole – they are pure through an inverse corruption, their goodness emanates from a lack: they lack the maliciousness of most people. Their goodness is a form of impurity. Oh, and how by doing so I do them a disservice. How I rob them of any agency, of any face and will of their own. They are there, not to live in this world, but to be sheltered by me in perpetual fear and active blindness.
What scum I am. What a confused, mislead and ridiculous cretin. But don’t worry, I haven’t the power to make things worse. For in the end the joke is always on me. When you try to help these lost souls ward off this cruel world you are being cruel to them tenfold; and besides, the pure, lost, innocent, virginal and angelic lost souls are the ones most liable to hurt you. “For they know not what they do…”.
And you can’t blame them, as you created them that way.